Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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