Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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