the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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