why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize