I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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