You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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