I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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