I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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