Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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