just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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