I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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