Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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