U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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