so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
