Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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