So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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