I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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