I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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