It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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