Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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