I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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