I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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