U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize