ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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