i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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