She said her name was "party"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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