That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize