you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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