When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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