yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cockslap morals
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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