and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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