I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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