it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize