the condom got lost in my hair
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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