I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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