is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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