Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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