like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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