i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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