Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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