i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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