I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize