When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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