Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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