i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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