lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize