He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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