your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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