I faked an abortion last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize