so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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