1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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